>Mrs. Lerner’s Afterlife

>Let’s call her Mrs. Lerner, the teacher in this story. Mrs. Lerner passed away, and continued on her peaceful way toward the pearly gates. St. Peter met her with, “Welcome, Mrs. Lerner. Here in Heaven, we all make contributions. What would you like to do?” Mrs. Lerner responded, “I’m a teacher, so I’ll teach.”

Peter called over St. John-Baptiste de la Salle, the patron saint of teachers, and had him escort Mrs. Lerner to her new classroom. When she got there, she was was shocked to see the conditions. 40 desks. 35 textbooks, all outdated. Pencils, pens, and paper were sufficient to supply the class for perhaps one day, no computers existed, and a cracked chalkboard hung on the front wall.
“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed, “this is horrible!”
Boom! Suddenly, Mrs. Lerner was in an entirely different locale, escorted by a devilishly handsome young man. With a fiendish smile, he brought her to a very different classroom. 15 desks, well-equipped with supplies, books of all reading levels and interests, an interactive whiteboard, and behind each student, supportive parents. On her desk lay a contract offering the opportunity to bargain for decent working conditions as long as she continued to teach.
“I don’t understand,” she murmured, shaking her head. “Why the advantages here, of all places?”
The devilishly handsome escort slyly reminded the dedicated educator, “Mrs. Lerner, when you asked the governor for this, where did he tell you to go?”

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>What does healthy feel like?

>Chuck and I went out for dinner last weekend. I mentioned that it had been two weeks since my last appointment and a change in medications. I thought there was some progress. He asked “How can you tell? How will you know when you’re better? What are the signs?” And then we realized together that I hadn’t been healthy in months. I might not know what healthy feels like.

I spent the summer with peri-menopausal issues, ending with surgery that seemed to quiet the hormonal changes. I was still weak, tired, and anemic.
In September I taught on crutches for a while until the good family doctor figured out that despite the negative blood tests, I did, indeed, have gout in one foot. Reaching a diagnosis meant we could treat that, and I could regain strength and walk around school again.
Then there was the Virus That Was Not Influenza.
The following months were full of one thing after another, including clinical depression, eventually leading to the decision to take a long term medical leave of absence and recover from any and all of these problems.
So once more: how will I know what healthy feels like?
On an average day, I’m here (imagine me holding hand up to chest level). A healthy person would be at this level (holding hand above head). On a Good Day I might feel like I’m here (hand at chin), but too many days I still slip to here (waist level). That’s an improvement. Before I began resting seriously and pursuing formal treatment, low days were (knee level) and average days barely made it to (waist high).
I’m smiling more often. I sleep a little better, but family doctor is still working with me to improve the quality and quantity of shut-eye. My dreams are still tense, but they’re not all school-related. I’ve decided to set up La Petite’s aquarium and put a few fish in it. It’ll be relaxing to watch easy to care for. So – is this what healthy feels like? No, not really, but I do feel improvement.
I guess I’ll keep reveling in each small improvement, taking care of myself, and moving those levels gradually higher and higher. Some day in the future, I’ll look in the mirror and realize “This is what healthy looks and feels like.” Readers, trust me; I’ll let you know when that day arrives!

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>An Oldie,but Goodie: A Tribute to Dr. Seuss

>originally posted in March 2007; originally published in WSRA Journal in 1997

When we were young
And could pick up a book,
A man with a gift
Made us all take a look

At a cat with a mission,
A feline with style,
Dressed up in a hat
With a hint of beguile.

The cat made us smile,
The Grinch brought a tear.
While the Whos down in Whoville
Inspired a cheer.

Those red fish and blue fish
Or green eggs and ham
The Star Bellied Sneetches
And that Sam-I-Am

The poor little boy
Wearing five hundred hats
Got caught in the oobleck
That fell and went splat.

His stories had morals,
Were strong with conviction,
Even though written
As young readers’ fiction.

A clear point of view,
The compassion he saw,
Like”…a person’s a person,
No matter how small.”

The elephant Horton
Who said what he meant,
That he could be faithful,
One hundred percent.

And think of the Lorax,
The one who said, “Please,
Oh, Please stop destroying
The Truffula Trees!”

His creatures were special,
Both comic and tragic,
Some small and some large,
With an aura of magic.

Think of the characters,
Ageless and timeless,
And how he could make
Something rhyme that seemed rhymeless!

The point of my story,
I’m sure you have reckoned,
Someone quite special
Was born on March second.

Creator of Yertle,
And Thidwick the Moose,
A talent unequaled:
The dear Dr. Seuss.

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>Potluck with the Geeks

>

Chuck was at a model train show recently. While he was gone, I realized I had a draft in my queue that I hadn’t posted yet. What does that have to do with trains? Read on.
It was the annual gathering of the model train club: a cookout-slash-potluck of the guys. They requested that Chuck bring his famous German potato salad. He did, but he did even better. Remember, these guys are geeks who identify totally with the main characters on the show Big Bang Theory.

From the left: Fizzbin Fruit Salad, Pickles Set on Stun, Photon Tomatoes, and the aforementioned potato salad.


Fruit salad:

fresh pineapple, raisins, gooseberries,

Photon tomatoes:
spicy deviled egg mix (yolks only) in plum tomatoes: use the yolks of hardboiled eggs for a traditional deviled egg mix, with the addition of smokey red pepper sauce. Scoop the seeds and pulp out of the cherry tomatoes; fill with the egg mixture and top with the tops of the cherry tomatoes.

Pickles set on Stun:
pickles marinaded in brine from Marzetti’s hot pickled yellow peppers.
Next year I think he’ll bring something that requires a pizza cutter so he can bring his new one.
Thanks, ThinkGeek. You’re awesome.

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