>It is a cruel, cruel world.

I needed an ultrasound to help figure out what’s going wrong. If you’re familiar with ultrasounds and uteruses (uteri?) you might know that these are done with a full bladder. According to those in the know, the full bladder makes it easier to distinguish the uterus and recognize what’s in it. Hence, the pre-test instructions noted that for a 12:15 appointment, I was to empty my bladder at 11:00, drink 40 oz. of liquids between 11:00 and 11:15, and then refrain from emptying the aforementioned full bladder until after the test was completed.

Enter Teacher Bladder!! Educator humor always mentions teachers’ superhuman bladders. I can look at the clock during class, register that I have 40 minutes until the recess bell, and say to myself, “No problem. I can hold it.” An ultrasound shouldn’t be any different. Or should it?

Well, I was nervous. Nervous about the tests and nervous about the potential results, although I hadn’t yet admitted that to myself. Nerves + full bladder = added nervousness and an increased need to go.

Upon arrival at the clinic, I had to wait in not one, but two waiting rooms. Nervousness + waiting + full bladder = even more increased need to go.

After completing the final registration and getting my fashionable wristband, I had to walk past no fewer than two large, prominently labeled restrooms on the way to the radiology department. Oh, the torture!

Yes, I called on my inner teacher – in July. Now that’s just cruel.