Replace the Debates with a Jeopardy Tournament

I am a faithful fan of Jeopardy. After concluding a Teachers’ Tournament, Alex Trebek mentioned that based on his observations, the country’s children are in good hands.

Consider the following. Instead of a Teachers’ Tournament, Alex Trebek would host a gathering of the great, er, the leaders of several states. A while back, I imagined Scott Walker, Chris Christie, and — well, I left the third spot open for speculation.

Let’s look instead at the “debates” between the multitudes otherwise known as the Republican candidates for president in 2016. How would they stand up to Alex Trebek? How would Alex handle them?

Alex Trebek: Welcome to Jeopardy’s Potential Leaders on the Right Tournament. Our contestants today are Carly Fiorina, Jeb Bush, and of course Donald Trump. Let’s look at the categories for the regular Jeopardy round. (beeping sound effect as the board blinks on) Coffee or Tea Party, Potent Quotables, Blood is Thicker Than Water, Dancing Around the Issues, Washington Outsiders, and ImmigrationDonald, let’s begin.  

Trump: I’ll take Potent Quotables for 200, Alex.

Alex: “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?” Donald, you must ring in before I can ask for your answer.

Trump: I didn’t mean that. I meant her persona, not her looks.

Alex: You didn’t ring in, Donald! Carly.

Fiorina: Who is – every woman in the country heard what Donald Trump said.

Alex: correct for $200. Carly, choose again.

Fiorina: Blood is Thicker than Water for 400, Alex.

Alex: We sent troops to this location based on faulty intelligence. Jeb.

Bush: That was – I mean, what is my brother’s war in Iraq.

Trump: Who cares?! Show some spunk!

Alex (turns to director): Cut! We can’t go on like this. Donald, you must play by the rules.

Trump: I make my own rules! You know how reporters keep calling me a schoolyard bully? Well, they’re right! I do things my way! I tell you, I wouldn’t hire Carly to run any one of my (audio shuts off, followed by video going black).

Readers, you get the idea. Today’s children are in good hands for now. But if the narrow and uber-conservative right get their way, none of will be in good hands. The Tea Party folk play as though they make their own rules. If we want representation of the people, by the people, and for the people to remain, it’ll take more than a game. Stay informed, and stay active.

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Call the little girl with pigtails.

I am a geek-type person. I work in a geek-type office full of people just like me. We’re not all alike, though, and sometimes there is a lack of understanding or odd communication.

Take our phones – please. The phones switched to a new provider with new highly-visual dial-pads. (That is a word. Dial-pads is a word. Hyphenated, even.) Here’s what it looks like.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

I am a verbal-linguistic type. I would rather see an abbreviation on the phone or even a passcode to use the many features. As an example, it took me over a year to figure out how to transfer a call. On the old phones, I would put the caller on hold, dial the extension of the next person, and when that person answered, release the hold and let the two of them talk while I hung up and got back to work.

Deep sigh. I lost a few calls and I had to admit to more than a few parents that I didn’t know how to forward a call. I finally asked another teacher how to handle the task. She, another verbal-linguistic type, said:

  • Push the button with the little girl with pigtails on it.
  • Then push the button on the screen for the teacher you want.
  • Then push the little girl with pigtails again.

Got it! I responded. I had been messing up the process by using the hold button, the way we used to do it. Ahem. I can do this.

Which icon? Can you see the little girl?

Which icon? Can you see the little girl?

And then my verbal-linguistic friend and I found out we were interpreting the graphic all wrong. It’s actually three people. One person in front, with the outlines of two others behind him or her. Or it.

Readers, your opinions? What do you see — a group of people or a little girl with pigtails? I’m sure there’s deep meaning here. Let’s have an analysis party in the comments. Meanwhile, I’ll get back to work.

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Fortunately, Unfortunately

Andy Borowitz, satirist for the New Yorker, posted this on Facebook last Saturday.

You can’t complain about a week in which the Pope came and Scott Walker and John Boehner left.

I beg to differ – slightly. Scott Walker may have ducked out of the national scene, but he’s back in Wisconsin to wreak whatever havoc he can. The Pope? I’m glad the Catholic faithful have a leader that is open-minded and considers serving the poor a priority. However, I am not and have never been Catholic, and I see their view of women as negative and demeaning. Boehner? Let’s see how he does as lobbyist. He understands Congress and loves power, so I’m sure he will still support the same conservative issues he pushed while in office.

Deep breath. In, out.

Fortunately, Walker left the race for president. Unfortunately, he’s now refocused on his ridiculously conservative agenda in my state.

Fortunately, Boehner left his post as Speaker of the House. Unfortunately, there’s still a Republican majority in the house.

Fortunately, the Pope is visiting the United States and spreading his word of peace and care for the less fortunate. Unfortunately, women still play a second class role in his church.

Back to the top – the issue that worries me the most. What will Walker do next? Don’t answer that; I’m really, really afraid to find out.

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Happiness – for gardeners & canning fiends

Happiness, simple pleasures, you name it – it’s all in how you see it. For an avid gardener and one who cans, an autumn Sunday brings simple pleasures such as these.

Tomatoes - enough to make salsa

Tomatoes – enough to make salsa

canning jars in the perfect size and shape for salsa

canning jars in the perfect size and shape for salsa

Good coffee - for a good reason.

Good coffee – for a good reason.

A good reason to pick up Starbucks Pike Place blend coffee: Eating the Opponent, Seattle. Go! Pack! Go!

 

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Barter Still Lives

Money is important. Money talks, sings, dances, and buys political candidates. Oops, did I say that out loud? Money may rule, but barter, perhaps the oldest form of trade, still thrives.

A blogger friend in a nearby town had more ripe pears than even her three athletic boys could eat. I took a few bags off her hands and offered her a few day lily bulbs in exchange. I still think I got the better part of the deal. But anyway, it was a quick and easy barter.

La Petite bartered a professional photography studio for a thorough refinishing of three pieces of furniture. I think these two were fairly equal in value: both artsy, both professional, both talented people who value their time.

Swagbucks is a newfangled type of barter. In exchange for my time on their site, I earn “bucks” that I eventually use to buy gift cards. It keeps my kindle loaded – and more. In fact, if anyone is interested, click here to sign up. Disclaimer; I’ll be awarded a bonus of 10% of your total “bucks” for the referral. You don’t lose a thing. 

A few years ago we took care of a neighbor’s rabbit while the family was on vacation. We gained a new furry friend and swapped our time for firewood.

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Teaching is Political.

Today is the First Day of School in my district. In honor of this annual milestone and the people who make it happen, I offer the following: a memory from a local elementary school and the teachers who work their magic within the walls.

A long time ago, in a graduate class that was part of my Masters Degree program, we had a discussion of politics and teaching. One colleague said, “I just want to close the classroom door and teach.” She was serious; she didn’t like the distraction of political issues and conflicts.

Like it or not, distraction or otherwise, teaching is political. Education is a political field. But even so, we teachers have to be cautious. We can’t appear to be partisan in class. We are discouraged from using any print matter from campaigns, even if we cover both major parties in the election.

Beyond that, new policies came out in 2011 and 2012. Educators and other public workers became vocal and active when Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and his Republican buddies proposed the infamous Act 10, which stripped most public employees of bargaining rights.

Meanwhile, we taught. And we talked – quietly among ourselves. We had to be careful because of the strict policies about political involvement. We could park a car with a political bumper sticker in the school lots. We were allowed to wear a campaign button on our jackets on the way in and out of school. We could volunteer on our own time or donate money to a candidate of our choice, but we couldn’t discuss it during school hours or use school equipment (copiers or computers) for political purposes. That meant no  emails, no printing or copying of news articles, and no reading of blogs on company computers, even after hours.

We managed, though. We collaborated and shared news during our lunches and our prep periods. We walked out the door together and talked them. We updated each other before the bell rang in the morning and after the kids left in the afternoon. We teachers, we who had dedicated our lives to making a difference, turned political: we stood up for ourselves and said that we mattered.

My colleague who had wanted to “close the classroom door and teach” became active in her own way. She couldn’t discuss issues, but she made sure her students had a front row seat on election day by acting as welcome crews, opening and holding doors as voters came into the poll located in their school building. She didn’t talk about specific candidates, but she made sure her students knew that voting was important. By having her students interact with voters, if only in a small way, she sent a clear message: This is what democracy looks like.

And as the presidential election of 2016 looms, I’m quietly installing a sticker in my minivan’s window announcing my support for Emily’s List. If anyone wonders what Emily’s List might be, and that person looks it up, I’ve accomplished a little quiet political action of my own.

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Pantry Raids and School Starts

We do it every year on my first day of school – my first day with students. We call out for pizza. We’ve had that tradition for so long – how long? I don’t even remember. Maybe Amigo or La Petite can enlighten me.

But anyway, back to the first week of school. School starts for my students on Tuesday. That’s pizza, brought to my door fully cooked. The rest of the week, Monday included, will be raiding the pantry and the fridge. You see, friends and family and new readers, we didn’t feel the need (or the energy) to go to the grocery store this weekend. We picked up enough bunny food from the farmers’ market, brought home goodies from our Date Night dinner out, and we have any number of leftovers and basic foods in the refrigerator. Add to that the potential for fresh tomatoes any minute now and I think we’ll do quite well.

The freezers are stocked now, too. Asparagus, peas, beans, corn…and a few berries here and there, too, are always there for the taking – and the cooking. In fact, I had a percent off coupon on Italian sausage at the nearby meat market, and I let it expire. I already have at least one pound of Italian sausage in the freezer.

So the plan for the week is this: create something out of what’s already in the house each and every day except for Tuesday. No last minute grocery runs allowed unless we’re out of bunny food or milk for the cereal.

I think this will be fun.

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Random Thoughts – on life

On checking my corporate email – I hope all the spammers are getting blasted with auto-responses like mine. It would serve them right to have their servers overwhelmed with useless emails.

Where do peppercorns come from? Can I grow them in my backyard? Chuck did a little research, and he says no. I guess we’ll keep shopping at Penzey’s Spices.

Can I say I’m beefing up a dish if what I’m really doing is sneaking in grated zucchini?

Why is parsley growing in my rhubarb patch? Can I blame the same little guerrilla gardener that stole my garlic?

I planted cilantro. Where did this thyme come from, and where is the cilantro?

And finally, can I make good use of my teacher discounts, small though they might be, to refill the medicine cabinet with ibuprofen and saline rinses? Be Prepared is a motto teacher share with scouts.

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Learning from Dystopian Fiction

Things I’ve learned from reading the popular genre of dystopian fiction:

  • Honey doesn’t spoil.
  • Food and medicine shortages are likely.
  • Dried milk powder also lasts forever – or for a really long time.
  • Goats are worth their weight in gold.
  • Rain barrels – or a Rain Containment System – can be lifesaving.
  • A wood burning fireplace or stove is priceless.
  • Generators only have value while fuel is available.
  • Communication may be precious – or impossible.
  • Day lily bulbs may be edible (does anyone know if this is true?)
  • Chickens are more than pets.
  • Barter keeps the pantry stocked.
  • Feminine supplies can be trade bait.
  • Electricity and running water may be luxuries.
  • Friendship and trust continue to be worth more than money.

I’ve noticed that no matter what the cause or the premise of the disaster, hunger becomes the focus. Whether the moon is knocked out of orbit or a pandemic plague spreads or a war changes everything, survivors will worry about feeding themselves and their families. Rationing food, stashing food packages, even stealing food becomes a main thread in almost every apocalyptic novel or series I’ve read. There is the short term goal: get everything you can into the house and lock it up or hide it well. Then there is the long term goal: plant a garden. Raise chickens or goats. Preserve everything possible. As plots evolve, the characters move from short term to long term survival tactics.

You might notice I haven’t mentioned anything about government, local or otherwise. With communication sporadic or down completely, any form of government would be more difficult to maintain. But that’s more than a blog post; it’s a whole book!

Readers, have you read any dystopian fiction lately? What was it? What did you think?

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Election Noir – the Walker Way

It was a dark night in a city that likes to keep its secrets. No, wait, that’s Guy Noir, private eye, creation of Garrison Keillor. The story I’m about to tell took place in a city that used to be known for open doors and transparency of government. Used to be known, I said.

It was late at night and approaching a major holiday weekend when a new item was slipped into the massive state budget document soon to come to a vote in Wisconsin. This action, this insert of a new little piece, was done quietly. Delicately.

The Joint Finance Committee (JFC) added a policy item changing Wisconsin’s Open Records Law. They chose their timing carefully: late at night on July 2, the Thursday preceding a long holiday weekend. The Powers That Be on the JFC hoped that legislators would return to work refreshed and relaxed and completely unaware of the changes.

They were wrong. This being Wisconsin, the birthplace of progressive politics, the people found out.

The changes exempted legislative communications from the law; shut down public access to all records created in the process of drafting legislation (any rough drafts, emails, written analysis papers); and specified that the Legislature could freely exempt any record from disclosure simply by passing a rule or policy. (source: Wisconsin Freedom of Information Council) In a nutshell, legislators could keep under wraps anything they wish to hide.

In keeping with the shadowy tone of secrecy, no one on the JFC would admit to authoring or contributing to this outrageous action. Some even walked away from reporters rather than answer questions.

Let’s jump to the final chapter of the mystery. As word got out that the suggested changes had come from Governor Walker’s Office, the insertion was quietly deleted. No one knew for sure, but the scent trail led to the top, and the top wasn’t willing to risk the biennial budget to the very vocal opposition.

So, folks, Governor Presidential Wannabe Walker didn’t have to admit his role, if any, in a potential gut of Wisconsin’s Open Records Law. And therein lies the danger: whether Walker suggested the changes or not, his office climate allowed and even encouraged this kind of action.

Is this dark and sneaky atmosphere the kind of climate we want in the White House?  I’ll answer that: absolutely not.

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