>The names have been changed to protect the innocent – and the outrageous.

I received the following note from a parent:

“It really bothers my daughter Preschusz that her name is misspelled so often. It should be P-R-E-S-C-H-U-S-Z, not PRECIOUS.”

What I wanted to write:

Dere Mrs. Preshus’ Mommie;

When your daughter was born and you created a new and inventive spelling of her name, you did her no favors. If it really bothers her to see her unusual name spelled in ways that are more or less unusual than the one on her birth certificate, you might want to consider counseling. After all, she is cursed, er, blessed with this unique name that will be with her the rest of her life. Did you think about this when you named her?

Did you think about the way she’d have to learn how to write her name in kindergarten, how you’d have to teach the teachers how to spell it so they could work with her?

Did you imagine she’d feel precious, er, special having to re-do her name constantly, justifying it to her peers?

Did you think about the bullies who would jump on her name like moths are drawn to a porch light?

How will she feel when little Paula down the road can find key rings and coin purses and bicycle license plates with her name emblazoned on them and poor little Prech, er, Presci, er, whatever-the-heck you called her can not?

How will your little one feel when she’s a teenager and trying to fit in, but her name makes her stand out instead?

When you named your little sweetie with that abominable spelling, you made sure she’ll be bothered again and again by seeing errors on her name. Does she know it’s your fault?

In conclusion, dear Mother of the Spelling from Hehll, I’m not so sure it’s little Precious who is bothered.
I think, very possibly, quite probably, this whole name spelling conflict might be not about her, but all about you.

Sincerely,
The Teacher (or is it TeeChere?) from the Black Lagoon — or rather, Lahguhn