Monthly Archives: December 2007

>Perhaps I should bake this weekend.

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>From the wellness coordinator at my place of employment (my comments are in italics):

1. If you eat a Christmas Cookie, fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free. (Of course. If the baker can’t eat it, who can? Must test.)
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories. (But what about coffee?)
3. If a friend comes over while you are making your Christmas Cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend’s first cookie is calories free, rule #1, yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and being the friend that you are that makes your cookie calorie free. (Oh, heavens, I must be a good friend while baking.)
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass. (Gravity does enough bad things to my body; this may balance it out. No pun intended.)
5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas Cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue. (Huh? I frost with a small rubber spatula.)
6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have 3 and Green ones have 5 – one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones! (If they’re plain, does that mean they have five calories or none?)
7. If you eat cookies while watching “Miracle on 34th Street” these also have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. (I prefer Charlie Brown Christmas. Does that count?)
8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage. (I thought it was called calorie evaporation. Well, if it works, great. Call it what you will.)
9. Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. (Have you honestly seen cookies left on another person’s plate? If so, you need a new recipe.) And finally…
10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed has no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It’s a rule! (Does this work for the accompanying beverages as well? I sense a double peppermint mocha on the horizon.)

Disclaimer – This is your humorous stress relief for today and cookies really do have calories!!(Oh, darn it, she would have to add this! Do not eat the rocker. Do not eat the rocker.) Happy Baking!

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>Such a sacrifice for the greater good

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>Actual conversation (more or less) with Husband

Me: Dear, I found this really easy recipe for Beer Bread. In fact, it’s called Beyond Easy Beer Bread. And if I bake it, well, may I use a bottle of your beer from the fridge or should I run out to Flanagan’s and pick up something less worthy?
Him: Uh — well —
Me: Don’t worry, I’ll understand if you’d rather I left the good stuff for actual drinking.
Him: Is any special kind recommended? Like, do light or dark beers work better?
Me: This recipe doesn’t really specify. Although it’s possible that a cheapy like Badd Light probably wouldn’t work as well.
Him: I meant… well, um, okay. (Nods)
Me: Are you sure?
Him: Yes. You can take a bottle (gulp) of my beer to bake beer bread.

Well, I did promise I wouldn’t take any of his favorite specialties like New Glarus Spotted Cow or Fat Squirrel. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll have to visit a couple of local brew-pubs to get some goodies for his birthday or Christmas. Because, you know, he’s making such a sacrifice for the good of his wife’s baking. And the family’s holiday eating. And all that.

And if everyone really likes it, and I need to make a double batch next time….

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>My name is Daisy, I dress like a dork, and it’s okay.

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>I admit it. Contrary to BlogHer advice from the fashionable Susan, I wear holiday themed clothing. I do. And I wear it to work.
Regular readers know that I am willing and able to sport the Green and Gold at home and in public, from head to toe.
As for the holiday themed clothing, we elementary teachers do wear “fun” clothes to school at times. I wore a sweatshirt with an appropriate message (“I do know all the answers, but I’m sworn to secrecy”) on opening day of state testing. Every year I dig out my December clothing to wear in between Packer games. My students enjoy it, and yes, so do I.
One of my coworkers walked into the lounge last year, turned off the lights, and shimmied to show us her light-up Christmas Tree necklace. When the lights came back on, she announced with glee, “Working in an elementary school give you an excuse to dress like a dork!” We all looked down at our chests, realized it was true, and laughed out loud.
My “clients” are nine and ten years old. My room decor, or my “workspace” decor, acknowledges the season without going wild. I do not have a tree, for example, but I have a few snowy pictures and December trivia posted at key spots in the room. By recognizing the topic on their minds (Santa! Presents! Snow! Cookies! Fun!) but not going overboard, I can keep the kids relatively calm during this somewhat-frenzied month. By dressing myself in the Holiday Spirit, I let them know that it’s okay to be excited, as long as they continue to work hard and keep learning.
Don’t worry, fashionistas, I don’t plan to post pictures.
Tomorrow, I plan to wear my Grinch pin on a basic sweater (budget cuts = cold classroom on Monday mornings). Maybe I’ll slip the black socks with shiny white snowmen into my black Mary Jane shoes. Subtle? Maybe not, but it works in my field.
And dorky or not, that’s good enough for me.

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>Here’s the umbrella. Where’s the snow brush? Ice scraper, anyone?

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Yes. NaBloPoMo is over for 2007. I posted 30 consecutive days. As to prizes, there are so many bloggers enrolled that I’m not counting on winning any goodies. That’s not why I signed on. why did I sign on? Oh, the usual, the personal challenge, the slight increase in readership, the kinship with a whole batch of other bloggers crazy enough to make this commitment. You know. You don’t? Well, then you need a blog. Really. It’s fun, it’s personal, it’s serious, it’s funny, and all of the other adjectives that come from journaling online.

I’m glad it ended yesterday, if only because I had a big all-day shopping trip planned with friends and it was a bit hairy getting home in the storm. Visibility was lousy, so we stopped at opportune moments to jump out of the minivan and help the driver clear the ice off her windshield wipers. By the time we got home, we were laughing about the whole experience. It reminded us of the Chaos Fire Drills we’d play while out cruisin’ back in high school. “Ready? I’m stopping now. Go!” Then we’d run around the car and try to get back in somewhere before the light turned green. But this time, we all got back in the same seats and buckled our seat belts safely like the moms we are, even brushed off what snow we could before jumping back in the sliding side doors. To make it even more chaotic, we were doing this with our gloved/ mittened hands; she couldn’t fin her snow brush or ice scraper! She knew they were in the van somewhere, but these essential tools of winter were nowhere to be found when we needed them.

Now that we’ve taken out all the shopping bags, she’ll probably find it tomorrow, after the storm passes. All’s well that ends well, and we had a great day shopping the outlet mall. Harry and David? I think I love you. Well, your peppermint bark samples and your free coffee, anyway.

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