>Relapse, again

>It’s a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a long term commitment, this recovery from depression, because depression isn’t like the common cold or even influenza. It’s not like a sprain or a break that can be splinted and healed over time. Recovery from is slow but steady (remember the tortoise vs. the hare?) and may consist of two steps forward, one step back.

The times that are toughest are the times when I feel like I’m making one step forward, two steps back. Those are the days that the dark cloud hovers, never rises, never moves away. Harry Potter fans? It’s like a dementor undeterred by my patronus charm.
I felt improvement – I did! I felt like between the medicines, the rest, and the therapy, I was getting somewhere. In fact, I know I was. Feeling more energetic, getting excited about events in the world (Super Bowl!), and smiling and even laughing more often. Then suddenly and unexpectedly, I was back to square one. Two naps a day, difficulty waking up, pounding headaches, no motivation.
Doc tweaked the medicines slightly. Then he added another one. Next? Internal attitude adjustment. Personal effort. It’s my health, after all, and my responsibility. On that note, I made another therapy appointment. If only the effort didn’t take so much energy….

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