A reality show of my life would have a lot of boring moments for viewers. Consider the following:
Director’s Assistant: Daisy, you snore.
Daisy: What?! (starts coffeemaker and turns her bleary eyes toward the annoying assistant) I thought my bedroom was off limits.
Assistant: Well, we leave the cameras off when you and Chuck are changing clothes or doing anything, um, private.
Daisy: (moans) I have a terrible sinus headache. No wonder – the two go together. If I can’t breathe through my nose, that means I’m sawing wood all night. If I’m rattling the floorboards in my sleep, I probably have sinus troubles. Let me get into the bathroom and see what I can do about it.
Assistant: But we can’t use bathroom video, either!
Now, readers, we move from boredom to TMI – too much information.
Daisy: I took ibuprofen already. It’s not helping. Next: I’ll flush out my nasal passages with my Neti Pot. I’m sure viewers don’t want to watch my saline solution flowing through my sinuses and washing out –
Assistant: Stop! Stop! I get it.
Daisy: Speaking of flushing, my left ear aches. I had the wax flushed out of it yesterday.
Assistant: Doesn’t a Q-Tip work? He had to ask.
Daisy: No, no, no! Q-tips just squash the wax and make it more tightly impacted in the ear canal. Anyone with hearing aids has wax troubles. In most people, the earwax finds its own way out. With a hearing aid in the way, the earwax builds up and needs to be removed by a doctor two or three times a year.
Assistant: Oh. (Looks suspiciously at Daisy) Does that hurt?
Daisy: It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes I get pain after the procedure because my middle ear is tender and sore. Then I function without the hearing aid on that side for a while to reduce the pressure and let the skin heal.
See what I mean, readers, TMI! True, but somewhat icky details, are the daily grit of my life. But the show must go on.
Director: Sorry I’m late! Daisy, did you sleep all right last night? You look like you have a headache.
Assistant: Don’t. Even. Ask.