Thanksgiving Dinner? No problem! I’ll call in the fairies. They’ll do everything.

The laundry fairy washes, dries, and presses the table linens, including the cloth napkins. If she’s feeling generous, the sheets and towels might get folded, too.

The turkey fairy will practice her specialty and make sure the heirloom bird is cooked and carved just in time for dinner. White meat and dark, it’ll all be moist and savory and leave just enough leftovers for sandwiches and a turkey noodle soup. She’ll create gravy from the drippings and simmer the carcass remains to make stock.

The baker fairy will take care of pies, pumpkin and otherwise. He’s an expert on flaky crust, selected spices, and the perfect portion of whipped cream. Don’t let that Simple Simon guy get in the way; the kitchen’s too small for anyone who begs to taste the wares.

The brownie – the cunning little house elf – will clean the home thoroughly, put the leaf in the big table, and get the extra chairs out of the basement.

I wouldn’t dream of neglecting the wine fairy; the sommelier so tiny she only recommends, never lifts, a bottle. Her taste is impeccable. Now if we could stop her before she over-imbibes and falls asleep on top of the piano…

Did I mention the decorator faiy? She’ll fix the fireplace mantel with something tasteful and seasonal before she makes sure the couch and rocker are properly arranged for the annual holiday gladiator jousts known as NFL football.

The ambiance fairy keeps the wood fire crackling in the fireplace, the aromas wafting deliciously through the home, and the family discussion topics neutral.

The kitchen fairies; really, there must be a whole crew of these talented sprites. One to do the shopping early and avoid the crowds, another to make sure the cranberries are perfect (and Wisconsin-grown, of course), and a magical maestro with the potato masher. Then we’ll need a feisty fairy, one with attitude – yes, you, Tinkerbell, you can make the coffees.

Mom, you can send the fairies over to my house now that we’re the designated hosts on Thanksgiving Day. Let them know I”ll have their room ready and their favorite cookies baked. If they arrive on Sunday there should be enough time to get everything done.

Wait…what do you mean…they’re not real??!!?