Maybe that’s not a strong enough statement. It is A PAIN IN THE PATOOTIE to shop for Amigo’s clothes, whether he is on the shopping trip or not.

I bought pants for him last summer and brought them home; did him a favor by bringing them home so he didn’t have to go to the store. He swore the entire time he tried them on.

We went to the shoe store. I let the store staff handle him, knowing he’d be more polite to them than he would be for me. While they helped, I found a pair for myself. Amigo made it to the car, then threw a tantrum that I had blown the routine by daring to buy a pair of shoes not on the list.

I quit. I said “No more!” Chuck is now in charge of try-ons and shoe trips. I will order or pick up clothes as needed, but I will not deal with the verbal abuse any more. Asperger’s or no Asperger’s, this is not acceptable. If Amigo can’t handle it with Chuck, we’ll start taking him to the store and shoving him into the dressing room on his own. It’s called a Natural Consequence.

I ordered pants for the young man and got phenomenal bargains (thanks to Kohl’s and Mir @ WantNot). Chuck handed them to Amigo this morning during the Saturday morning Public Radio listening routine, and lo and behold – all four pair fit.

Deep sigh of relief. I cut the tags off and dropped them in the wash. One set of tags was actually fun.

“So you’re interested in (insert brand here)? Nice move. You’re obviously smart, confident, and know what you want in life.” Since I made the purchase, not Amigo, I’ll take the compliment and conveniently set aside the fact that I bought them largely because of the sale price.

“Relaxed fit: the technical explanation — We made this to look relaxed, not fitted.” Yes, that’s Amigo’s preferred fit. Relaxed.

Care advice: “Love your neighbor. Eat more greens. Cheer up; it might never happen. Wash this when dirty.” And on the inside of this tag: “(Insert brand name here) has been in the Helps-You-Look-Good business since 1948. We know what we’re doing. People in magazines wear this stuff. Fashion people, sporty people. People who don’t have to wear a suit everyday. So, we know it works.” I can’t see Amigo – or Chuck, for that matter – ever working a suit & tie job. This philosophy works for both of them.

And the final tag in the series discusses the various uses for these pants. “Suitable for: Training, Napping, Eating, Driving, Sports, Whatever.” Works for me.

Why am I wasting these on my ungrateful offspring? I think I’ll buy a pair for myself.